I Look Very Much Forward to Being Your President

thank you, Lester
sorry to keep you waiting
how lovely everything is and how wonderful you are
who is that?
is that Rudy?
oh, Rudy get up here
where is Reince?
get over here, Reince
where is Ben?
here someplace, and he is fantastic
our convention occurs at a moment of crisis
but here, at our convention, there will be no lies
so the worst of all things has happened
think of this
think of this
this is not believable but
this is what is happening
this is something that never should have happened
it should never have happened
perhaps they pressed the wrong button, they pressed the wrong button,
or perhaps worse than that
look at the mess that we're in
look at the mess that we're in
look at the damage that was done
by one whack job, one sick whack job
a disaster, humanitarian-wise
what he's done to women
as bad as Assad is, and he's a bad guy
this wonderful Girl Scout who was no Girl Scout
a guy who started out as a carpenter working for his father
a guy most comfortable in the company of bricklayers
he's screaming what they all scream
this is not my best friend
I was asked on a major show, what do you think of NATO?
and I said, well, I'll tell you, I haven't given lots of thought to NATO
to be semi- exact
Russia, Russia, Russia
I mean, it could be Russia, but it could also be China
Japan, a behemoth, selling us cars
Libya, which was her baby
Iraq, the vacuum
something with respect to Yemen and all these other places
look at Aleppo it is so sad
Mosul is so sad
and how great is Cleveland?
Lester, I tell you this, I've been all over
I've said things that, frankly, you hear these things I said
very sleazy
such a nasty
I say nothing
I say nothing
no puppet no puppet
walls do work walls do work
jobs, jobs, jobs
big league
big league, end of story
bye, bye
and I'm saying, where is this? is this a war-torn country? what are we doing?
this is like medieval times
we are in a big, fat, ugly bubble and we better be awfully careful
we've lost control of things that we used to have control over
we've become very, very sloppy
we're not going to have a country
it is under such trauma
I think that it basically has fallen OK? it basically has fallen
in '17, it implodes by itself
and you will see devastation
we fought for the right in Palm Beach to put up the American flag
but where was the sanctuary
where was the sanctuary
say hello to the police
be abused by these thugs
these big, beautiful trucks
you land at LaGuardia, you land at Kennedy, you land at LAX, you land at Newark
you see these incredible airports, and you land
you think you're going to make your air conditioners or your cars or your cookies
that's wonderful, enjoy yourselves
good luck
we wish you a lot of luck
good luck, have a nice plant
check out a sex tape
be violent, cause fights, do bad things
Lester: it's not nice
wait a minute, Lester
want to get into the quagmire
before you solve it, you have to say the name
Donald J. Trump
I am your voice
I have no patience
I am the Law and Order
I'm a great believer in all forms of energy
I love depreciation
how much?
how much for my family?
Lester, how much?
I have a son
he's 10 years old
one more child to sacrifice on the altar
an Ivanka Trump, OK
my daughter, so great
she should be ashamed of herself
I didn't even apologize to my wife,
who's sitting right here
she took a lot of abuse
stand up, Melania
come on
ahh, this stuff
this is corny stuff
I better use some tic tacs
show you where they have some nice furniture
what do you have to lose?
do better, Lester
it's like, if I were the enemy,
the great Trojan horse
smuggle in, hunker down and wait
I choose to recite a different pledge
I'll keep you in suspense, OK?



Trump RNC Speech, July 21, 2016, Cleveland, Ohio
Trump Rally Speech, August 9, 2016, Wilmington, North Carolina
Trump Immigration Speech, August 31, 2016, Phoenix, Arizona
Trump Statements in Presidential Debate, September 26, 2016, Hempstead, New York
Trump Statements on 2005 recording, leaked to The Washington Post October 7, 2016
Trump Statements in Presidential Debate, October 9, 2016, St. Louis, Missouri
Trump Statements in Presidential Debate, October 19, 2016, Las Vegas, Nevada
Trump Statements at the Al Smith Dinner, October 20, 2016, New York, New York
Trump Victory Speech, November 9, 2016, New York, New York