Blue Angel

My blue angel comes to me
after the sanitation trucks

and asks

what drugs I need
while she's in the neighborhood

Her finger waves are waxen
and her cupid-bow is stamped on

I say I want to be so sped up
that my jaw swells shut

my body becomes negligible
and the world purely a dimension
peopled with bilious gestures

All modes of desire are simulated anyway

Don't feed me any duds
about poems
not being dialogical

Because I know a poem by

how much it sounds like
or doesn't sound like

one of its precursors

I don't actually need to feel anything at all
except that I live on a wavy plane

among artists
It's a middle ether of baby's breath
or little cuntfaces in the violet nightshade

and I do expect to be applauded
if I say this right

can you please
give me a compliment today
starting with YOU ARE

You are not much of a caretaker
Blue angel of unctuous balm

I don't know why I try
my charlatans at your oaken desk

and talk to you about intellectual things
Blue angel
you're like a worldly older girl

who took me on spring break
and locked me in a tower

with a Real World cast member

Why do we still use the language
of Feudalism

on the internet
An icon (<icon>)

Blue Angel remember

You are to be a well-uttered fuck
that disrupts my desire for coherence

I'm trying to unify my affects
and privilege none

Radha waiting for Krishna in the garden
The bridegroom waiting for Christ

These walls of my serfdom I wait half-dosed
ladling cream in my own lap

In a civilization that has lost its purpose
I try to think of metaphor
as a paradoxical truth

I believe in beauty
If metaphor is truth
and truth is beauty

then I'm a Christian

I wouldn't call myself a thinker
But I feel as if this world is wrong

has been from the beginning
Since the underground was made dirty

and the sky throne erected
This is why Bataille gave us the Acephale
Cut off the head to let the humors
hose through

The female passions unplugged from
their social vocation

and sprayed at the heavens like
animal elimination

Probably wasn't Collette's idea
to sleep with the enemy
Yet we must

But of course there's no way to know
what it was really like in the first place

What if all my thoughts are deferred action
My girl lovers Blue Angel

I didn't like when she left a pink carnation
in my mailbox

I hate men
So why would I date someone who acts
like one

All the destruction caused by these
little castrated monsters
makes you think

Who is picking up the pieces

are the only human beings

You Blue Angel of pharmaceuticals
have gone wrong too

For a very long time
you have led sheep to slaughter

and hooked rising starlets in your cane
dragging them out of vaudeville
for good

Rub your acrid powder
on my gums

I'm moulting on the trapeze bar
while you make
my decisions

All season I've been
rehearsing in my sequins

while the other carnies have gone
to rural Italy
in the wagon of a muscular sadist

17th century blue
You are offering me chicken
feathers for wings

So I may taste the zeal
in my throat when I fall
and break my neck
in front of a million men marching

I can't say I don't deserve it

One Christmas morning
I woke up wearing
a belly chain restraint

A woman was singing
about black lacquered coffins

Blue angel
I'm a natural nurturer

So if you won't take care of me
I will make you my infant

A shaman said if I hate myself I can't
believe in happiness

but I disagree

Oh transcendentalists
at the organic farm

Happiness is not a condition
It's a calling

Go into big oil
Get the most out of life

Eagle ford was like literally an ocean
under our feet

My blue angel
you poisoned me
with false hope


Because I must inherit a role
you can put me underneath whoever

I'll respect the privacy
of our patrons

And someday
the Lords will share their kingdom

I am not entitled to protection
I have to work for it


I was given a child
as a "karmic learning lesson"

in need versus desire

for all I know...

Now I finally feel
as if I deserve nothing

I force my utility upon
this tiny babe

Nipples and introductions
to the symbolic order
This is important

He grew into a boy
with bad vision
and grotesque bone structure

He checked payphones for change
and pick-pocketed the poor

As a crooked twenty-something
he joined ALEC

took my money and never
gave me tax advice

Long ago in the village
we would

build up those around us

That's where I'm coming from

I built a treehouse of palm fronds for junkies
But he's not like me

Am I regarding him narcissistically
this child who regards me

It's terrible to bleed and not die
like some game hunter's chimera

I'm haunted again
by girlhood hallucinations

The black bull who walked on two legs
pacing the porch

Blue angel
come back and pill me
what can take the edge off

To the extent that I did not become
the black bull with red eyes
I became a woman

Judith Butler my son castrates me
on an imaginary schedule
I hate him

Men can't structurally see
We just loom like shadowy shrieks
in the entrance

the way Euripides proclaimed it
My child takes
the gentle on all fours

You angel of order
give me back the blue lethargy
my tourniquet of depression

the superego
if you will

The meek are not born that way

Their cars are
wrecked repossessed impounded

Objects of desire and identification
repeatedly lost

This is the dark side of environmentalism

You punish it for leaving
But there really are

no exits
Nothing is extinguished

Ann Coulter Phyllis Schlafly
you will sit at the children's table
in heaven

Richard II you wish
your name could be blotted out

from the book of life

Such a social thing to say
Did you ever think of anal rape
by a bull

or reading fiction to feel
more like yourself

Blue angel
You were right to explode
this shitshow

into drama