When you meet a
greedy man on an
airplane do you say
excuse me, sir, could
you please keep to
your side of the
armrest or do you
let him take your
pretzels and two
cans of orange juice
and keep touching your
side with his elbow?
At the end of
all of this, I am
still without a real
sense of math or
time and I am still
not sure which
market I should
frequent. I keep
by mistake saying
to my one-eyed
friend how all these
one-eyed men on
the online dating
service I use want
to meet for something
and I'm not interested.
It's too hard to go
back to where we were
ten minutes ago, etc.
Somewhere today
an airplane will land
and someone who lost
a lot of gasoline over
some ocean will win a
piece of history. PETA,
etc., will be there with
pitchforks on the tarmac.
No, we don't test on
animals anymore. No,
I don't need to see the
ocean to know where
I am in Massachusetts.
Massachusetts is more
honest than Minnesota.
Sometimes they are called
Massholes but at least
they don't scratch
themselves under the
tray table on the
airplane. Next to me
this asshole from
Minnesota scratches
himself under the safety
of the tray table that
is to be stowed during
the landing which is
soon and when I say "himself "
I'm not referring to his "leg."
Maybe in Massachusetts
we would all be different.
Jennifer Lopez is not
from Massachusetts but
she is so honest she doesn't
want a fashion show to
be "too real" she wants
magic like the movies.
I'll be straight with you
I watched her program
two and a half times. And
I didn't used to floss too
often but my friend just
discovered eight cavities
so now I do it as much
as I can stand. Soon
Massachusetts will be
the president of this
place and we will all
be honest with such
beautiful teeth and
a sense of water. It
makes you honest I
swear. Good people
are honest and good
people floss often—
they tell us to floss often
and drink lots of water.